Drawing out frustration
Over the course of the year, I’ve been working on painting, eternally frustrated that what was in my head wasn’t coming out onto the paper - I couldn’t seem to get across the mood or feeling that I wanted to. Constantly trying to free my style of working, but in doing so restrained myself even more.
Simplifying the process - noticing colour, shape and line - and not trying to make the work something it wasn’t - became the point that my painting flowed in a way that I’d been attempting to force it to do (without any luck) for such a long time. Letting go.
I have a sort of internal battle that often goes on inside my head between using bold and a lot of colour, against pairing the work right down to basics. In other people’s work, I’m definitely more drawn to the simpler, more neutral pieces. In my own work however, I can’t seem to get away from using colour and am always pulled back to putting more of it in a piece. Maybe it’s the defiance, stubbornness or indecisiveness that won’t let me give in to one nor the other.
The work in the thumbnail was part of the series of work that merged my love of more softer, neutral tones with strong colours, painterly, loose marks creating visible forms and shapes. This work titled, ‘London/Stoke’ was a pivotal point in me understanding my work on a deeper level and from what I remember, one of the first pieces that actually felt as if part of me had spilled out onto the page infront. A sort of lightbulb moment, to know that all the pieces that had been and gone before weren’t all for nothing. It’s a process, constantly growing and changing and developing on a wave of it’s own, and I love it.
I hope something from that resonated with someone, or at least explained a little bit of my process a little more clearly, or even made any sense (if anyone’s reading this!). Not having a definitive style is something I’ve struggled to come to terms with, and seem to always want to have that marker to define myself and what I do. But maybe, that’s the beauty of my practice, and that’s it’s time to embrace the fluidity only I can give myself.